Ahem. Moving onto today's long-as-hell topic of choice: romance. A bit of a touchy subject in today's fandom-based world. What? Don't believe me? Look at how many popular shows and books and such and such are based on someone else's creations.
Laurie R. King's Mary Russel series? Why, thank you, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Or perhaps that's not your thing? Look at all the Marvel movies this year. Or movies based on books. Hell, they even made a movie of 'Diary of A Wimpy Kid'.
But all of this fandom happiness (admit it, you love it when this shit happens) leads to one thing. One thing, and it's very, very sad.
That's right. Shipping wars.
Goddamn it, guys. Guys. Guys, stop this right now.
Look, I'm all for a good ship-war, but this is ridiculous! Everywhere. Everywhere I see people with slash-goggles or anti-slash-goggles permanently affixed to their heads, and when the more creative of those people get angry, and the fandom has gone pub-dom, well...
Alright, enough with the GIFs, because you know and I know that they're basically page filler, albeit amusing page filler.
Perhaps I'm going off on a tangent here. Ultimately, the goal of this post was not to rant about the idiots and their ship-wars. It was to try and stop people from writing crappy romance and posting it on the internet. Nothing I say will do that, but maybe the four people looking at this thing will spread the word (I doubt it).
In other words, this is going to be a long-ass, motherfucking post.
Let's start this out organised, and break it down. This will be done in three parts, split up according to the genders involved, and try to address as many subgenres as quickly is possible. Before we start, no, I'm not homophobic, that's not why this is split up. Fuck.
Okay, preface out of the way. Onto the actual post.
Section 1. Heterosexual (Straight) Romance
Oh, fuck, here we go.
LET'S TRY TO ADDRESS THE CREEPY-AS-FUCK TURN MOST ROMANCE NOVELS ARE GOING DOWN, mkay?
Also, this will focus primarily on YA fiction, because that's what I write, and will continue to write, Fiction Gods be willing, and a smattering of adult fiction.
What was I talking about?
RIGHT, THE CREEPY-AS-FUCK TURN romance has been taking.
Has anyone else noticed this? All the romance books I've been reading (and fanfiction, too) has been glorifying what is essentially an abusive relationship. Want examples? Fifty Shades of series, Twilight series, House of Night novels, Vampire Diaries... Oh, perhaps you were looking for fanfiction? Let's look at the recent explosion of stuff that has been blown out of the ass of such notable shows as Sherlock (Irene Adler's cool, but I really don't think Sherlock would be cool with all this) or Glee (teenage girls are not that vulnerable, people!)
Now, don't get me wrong. There are definitely girls who idolise the sort of controlling relationships that are portrayed in these works or fanworks. The only notable pairing I can think of that steps out of these boundaries would be the Adler/Holmes, stuff, and that's only because the majority of fic portrays Sherlock as a complete and total pussy, in or out of the bedroom. (There are, of course, people who execute the sub/dom lifestyle well; if that is you, this isn't directed at you).
It's sending a hell of a message to girls these days. How many of you remember the general teenage reaction to Chris Brown and Rihanna? Yeah, that SHE was in the wrong, that she 'should have stood by her man' (quote attributed to an NPR show). Those same girls lap up the Twilight series and its recent sister-series like they were manna in the desert.
Not to mention (okay, totally mentioning it) the recent trend of fictional men who don't know how to not stalk and abuse women.
LOOK AT HIS FACE. LOOK AT IT. If that doesn't scream 'I'm going to watch you so closely that you will never have to worry about other men looking at you, my sweet sugar lips' than nothing ever will.
God, I have to type with that blinking in my face. The sacrifices I make for you guys.
The positive side is that no guy wants to be caught dead with one of these novels (and I do hesitate to use that term here). The negative side is that their girlfriends dragged them to the movie, or they watch a televised rip off, or they read Fifty Shades of Grey at the behest of their friends and family.
Now, I'm sure that in certain social circles, these terrible farces of literary hemorrhage are considered 'a good read' (not a quote from anyone, thank god). But you wouldn't be reading this if you enjoyed that sort of thing, anyway.
So. Let's try to give a few pointers on creating believable romance (I promise, it comes in angsty, half and half, and angst-free.)
1. Strong Female/Male Narration
I really can't emphasise this enough. If your character is strong, it isn't hard to fall in love with them. Male, female, alien, genderqueer, doesn't matter.
That doesn't mean, of course, that they are flawless. An example of strong female narration (even though it isn't necessarily good romance) would be Hunger Games. No groans, now, guys; let's face it, Katniss may be disdained by the hipster-crowd and revered by the masses, but when push comes to shove, Katniss Everdeen don't give a fuck. Ever. It's like the fuck-giving gene is completely absent from her biological makeup.
She doesn't cry and break down when she gets cut; she cries when (SPOILER ALERT)
Regardless of your personal opinions on the book, Katniss was an example of strong narration (someone who, ultimately, was easy to love.)
2. Common Sense.
If your significant other really, really likes the idea of you hurt, and you aren't similarly turned on by that thought, most people call that a deal-breaker.
Unless you're in a romance novel!!!
Seriously, can I see one story where the girl doesn't subjugate her own soul to please the guy, and/or the guy is controlled by his 'empowered' (read: abusive) girlfriend? It's like no one's aware that the 'sub/dom' switch is less of a switch than a dial. There is such a thing as equality.
3. Realistic Expectations.
This is about to go down a road you won't expect:
If your characters are teenagers, it is absolutely a good call to have them believe that love lasts forever.
I know, I've been ranting about healthy relationships for a while now, but ultimately, teenage/young adult relationships all have this snag. The relationship ends, and they might see it coming, but sure as the sun rises in the fucking east, they won't believe it until it slaps them in the face with the cold, still-flopping fish of reality.
Sections Two and Three will be published at a later date. Thakns.
