Going Awry: Why Not All Story Ideas Should Be Written Out

Yeah, I'm lookin' at you, fellow fanfiction writers.

First of all, I should give a reasonable explanation for the title.

As a reader, you should know that not all books came about as fantastic claps of inspiration from the big Author in the Sky (and the few that do... well, we'll talk about those in a minute.) Very rarely does a whole plot appear suddenly, with characters created and waiting for you to detail their adventure. Plots often begin (in mine and other efllow writer's experience) with something small. A scene, a piece of dialogue, a mindset, hell, sometimes the weather is all that's needed to produce a seed.

Unfortunately, some of those seeds should just stay seeds, instead of growing into the sickly, browning philodendrons that litter the rooms of would-be novelists. (And before you ask, I do own a philodendron and it's doing quite well, thank you.)

Like slasher fics. Not slash fics -- those are perfectly acceptable. But slasher fics -- where one or more characters cut themselves? That's retarded. If it's a genuine part of the plot (beyond 'love interest finds out and tries to save them from themselves'), then I guess it's okay, but honestly. Think about it. How many people do you know cut themselves? No, seriously, think about this. I'll wait.

Not many, right? So why do your characters need to do it? It's not going to make anyone sympathetic, and it sure as fuck doesn't make your character look introspective. It makes him/her look whiny. And their love interest look stupid ("I didn't know you were cutting off your arm nightly, despite the fact that we've been in a loving relationship for two years! Honest!")

Oh, you ask, is that it? No, my friends, Victory's rant is not over yet. For she still has to tackle some other things.

Like the "Average kid sucked into something beyond their understanding." We know this. We've all seen this. Hell, we may have even written it -coughguiltyaschargedcough-. That doesn't mean it's good. Because, quite frankly, it's not.

Let's face it, we like to read the whole 'triumph over unthinkable odds' bullshit, but really? The whole "I like books, so I can become a wizard" ((c) Diane Duane), or "I'm a little creature who's thoroughly useless, let's send me on an impossible mission" ((c) J. R. Tolkien), is a little old. Hell, it was old before these guys -- ever heard of Parsifal? Not the Wagner, but the original Sir Malory works. Seriously. It's old. And for some unfathomable reason, it's not getting any younger. I wonder why? /sarcasm.

Okay, I'll only spit and roast one more before I leave the other poor fanficton writers to wonder when their turn is next. And that, m'dears, is the Mary-Sue.

Oh, you thought it was only fanfic that did this? No. Not by a long shot.

The Hunger Games? Mary-Sue.

Twilight? Mary-Sue.

Nightworld? Mary-Sue.

Ecery teen novel ever? Mary-goddamn-fucking-Sue.

The definition of a Mary-Sue is a character that is beloved by all but their enemies, with multiple love interests, and is almost invincible (but for when their vulnerability is a plot-device). They typically have some werid name, some all-encompassing power, and a back story so said they could drink orphan tears for the rest of their lives.

Sound familiar?

Yes?

Then Don't post, and let that idea wilt where it stands. Seriously. There's never a lack of bad lit, so go find some and read it, instead of clogging my interwebs with your bullshit.

/rant.